nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
