You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
