Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
PANTIES FOUND
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
