You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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