Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize