she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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