new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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