I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
