You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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