who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
