you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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