i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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