I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
