...so i touched it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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