Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
