Just cropdusted the office
my sisters under your porch take her home
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
