I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
