worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
