tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
