Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
