If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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