Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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