Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
