i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
cat food counts as protein by the way
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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