He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
