Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
