If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
