I should be sponsored by Trojan
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i now understand why vodka
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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