Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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