I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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