went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
