thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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