I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Randomize
