naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
