TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
