I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize