I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I could fuck to npr.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
