He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
