I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
