don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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