Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
