it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
