Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
