i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
