if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
