Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize