no. you can't hotbox the world.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
