im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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