i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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