He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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