8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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