hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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