he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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