I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
