Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
where am i from again
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
