Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
