he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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