haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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