You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
