Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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