glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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