He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
