I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
