1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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