can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
