know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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