He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
